Adoption 101

As a child, I was always aware that family had some sort of genetic aspect, but I never considered it a defining trait. As an adoptee with an adopted sister, blood never tied my family together. However, I soon realized others around me did not see family the same way. In elementary school, kids would ask why I did not look like my parents. My cheeks would heat up, while I quickly told them I was adopted from China, bracing myself for the next question. Who are your “real” parents?  My breath always caught in my chest, no matter how prepared I was. Over time, the questions that would make me cringe evolved, and I was forced to face even bigger questions. I know first hand how difficult it can be being asked personal questions. Being asked why I was adopted. Being asked if my family and I are all together when we are waiting to be seated at restaurants because we don’t look alike. In addition, having to hear others make comments or say false things about adoption such as “I would never adopt. Imagine your kids not looking like you.” and “Kids are adopted because their parents don’t want them.” Even though I know the truth, it still hurts to hear. This is why I would love to learn about “The True Meaning of Family”, and how to handle “Sticky Situations” in an adoptee course.

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On my journey navigating through the many aspects of adoption, I have found it difficult not knowing much about my past. However by “Diving Right In’, I have found many ways to stay connected and learn about my birth country. I am lucky enough to have a family who loves cooking, especially Asian dishes. In addition, I live very close to a local organization that teaches Chinese culture and the arts. In fact, I have been learning traditional Chinese dance for 14 years. Through this program, I have been given the opportunity to meet so many other adoptees and kids from my birth country. I have truly learned “I am Not Alone”. Not only have I formed so many cherished friendships, but I have gained so much knowledge and comfort, just by talking to others with similar circumstances. Staying connected to my roots by getting involved in cultural programs and talking with other adoptees is one of the most important lessons I have learned.

 

Finally, I want to learn that “It’s Okay to Feel That Way” because the mystery of my adoption stirs up lots of mixed emotions. I am obviously grateful for the life I live now and for the wonderful family I have. However, I do think about my birth parents from time to time, and I do get upset. I want to learn that I shouldn’t feel guilty when I don’t have the most positive thought about my birth parents or adoption. To heal, I have to process these emotions and feel the way I feel.